Having the cleanest hands, and having the worst drivers. So it is comforting to know that when that asshole behind you who thinks that 10 mph OVER the speed limit isn’t fast enough, and he cuts you off and flicks you off, that hand is one clean hand.
I’ve lived in Miami my whole life, minus the few years I spent in Orlando for college. In Orlando, no one can park. No one. And they don’t even try to hide this fact: people will park directly on the space line, or in such an obscure angle that when they reverse they will no doubt hit someone, that unfortunate bastard that found the only space available. Mostly these horrible parkers are tiny women in large SUVs, but my complaint on women drivers will be saved for another time. This is a general complaint about the atrocity that is the Miami Driver.
Granted many of the drivers can’t speak or read English. I’m sure in most places in the United States, it is only reasonable that to pass the Driver’s Exam to get a license, one would need to speak and read the language of the traffic signs and everything else, or heaven forbid, be an actual legal citizen of our beloved country. Not so in Miami. You go to the DMV and you will be hard pressed to find anyone born in this country, or even lived in this country for more than 2 years. And yet they all come out of it with a license, and proceed to drive around, lost all the time, going from 30 mph to 5 mph after every intersection to make sure they find the right one which they generally do not and end up making a U-turn in the middle of the street at the next intersection. And they don’t use turn signals either. However that is true of everyone in Miami. I remember learning about turn signals in Driver’s Ed. I guess everyone forgot about that by the time they actually got their car.
Another sore spot of mine in regards to Miami drivers is this little dilemma: you are at an intersection; three lanes on all sides. Currently the lanes you are at are Turn Left Only, which puts you into the leftmost lane in that direction; Turn Left or Straight, which means if you make a left you get your choice of the center or rightmost lanes; and Turn Right Only, which puts you in the other direction of traffic. We will try to forget about the person in the rightmost and thus Turn Right Only lane trying to make a left scenario, and continue to the one that also infuriates me. Back on track, the traffic one would be merging onto if going left has three lanes, same scenario. So why is it that the person in the front of the leftmost and thus Left Turn Only lane will always try to speed up and move into the rightmost lane after they have made the turn? Wouldn’t it have made more sense for them to have started in the middle lane and made the seamless transition into the rightmost lane instead of cutting off three lanes of traffic? Of course it would have made more sense, but I forget, I’m in Miami.
I also am quite fond of the people who drive 30 in a clearly marked 35 mph zone, which means you can go 40, with no one in front of them, and me always caught behind. Take Ludlam Road. A short road mostly used to bypass slower roads. In either direction there are at least 6 speed signs, impossible to miss. And yet every night I still get caught behind that one person going 25 to 30, the road clear ahead, and the asshole in the SUV behind me thinking its my fault and having their 6 ft high lights blinding me directly through my rear view mirror.
For once, I would like to go a day without hearing a police siren, or heaven forbid, a car horn.
Sincerely,
Jason Orkin, Motorist
Tags: Blogging, Complaints, Life
