In Home Exercise

Lately its been pouring as I have arived home, so my much awaited summer jogs and swims have had to be canceled.  I do not enjoy this.  I wait all summer long to be able to hop into the pool, swim a few laps, work on my tan, and work out.  I also enjoy running through the neighborhood, with or without my dog.  Because of the weather, these have had to been canceled.

I don’t believe in buying exercise equipment.  I have seen far too many cases of them ending up in a garage, covered in dust, used less than 5 times.  I refuse to waste money like that.  The same goes with a gym membership.  Paying to use equipment that I’ll probably be too lazy to get out to is not something I would do.  So, I enjoy free exercise around my home.  Now I’m stuck doing it in my home.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy sit ups and cruches as much as the next person, but to be honest, I like to follow those up with a jog or swim.  Not staring at the pouring rain outside my window.  Today has been bright, hopefully it continues until I get home.

Jason Orkin, Exerciser

A tribute to a medium man

George Carlin expired the other day. Yes, I use that term, because that was his preferred term for the dead. As a pre-dead, I can only hope that his afterlife is that of what he wanted.

I’ve been a fan of Carlin for years. I have his spoken word albums, his books, and a number of movies in which he stared. The man was funny because he didn’t hold anything back, and attacked that which he saw as flawed in this world. I concur with a lot of his views, and disagree with some, but that is what made the man great – the ability to create dialogue and to embrace the views of others.

I do have a complaint, however. It seems for every great comedian we lose, 20 shitty ones take his place. And yes, I said his place for a reason. Now there are some very funny female comedians. I myself am partial to Margaret Cho. But for the most part female comedians are obnoxious lesbians who can only make jokes about being a lesbian. Seeing as how I’m not one, I don’t find these stories to be humorous. And not I’m not nickpicking ladies, male comedians who talk only about sex suck as well. Its just most male comedians can occassionally change it up a notch. The good ones can, at least. We have far too many male comedians who just run on about stuff that isn’t even funny. Why can’t they die, while greats like Bill Hicks had to go before their time.

Of course I could also go on about how similar this is in the music industry, but that is a post for another time.

Jason Orkin, Mourner

Office Guests are like jumbo jets…

…you can hear their noise all around you, but you can’t do anything about it.

There are some loud and obnoxious people in my office. Coincidentally, they are Argentinian, which means they don’t shut up. Unless someone white is in the room. Then they are quiet and can’t make eye contact with you. But that’s another story. Anyways, these charming ladies talk and talk and talk, and then their cell phone rings, which the whole office hears, and they talk into that. After that conversation, they talk about it to the other lady. And occasionally, they get guests.

Now I understand that sitting in an office for 9 hours isn’t exactly fun, and is uplifted by having friends over. However, this is a case of limited use. I have had friends at the office. They came in, we had a brief conversation, they left. Lasted under 10 minutes. Today, the cackling witches had a male friend over for somewhere around 2 hours. And we heard every minute of their chattering. It got to the point where my co-worker started putting golf balls against their wall. No effect. There is a time and place to sit around and rave on and on. Its called afterwork.

I need to repurchase a foghorn.

Jason Orkin, Anti-Social

iPhones and iJerks

I, like over 90% of the world, use a PC. Yes, the Mac may be more stylish and simplistic to use, but seeing as how I don’t use any graphic or video editing software, I have no need for a “pretty computer.” In fact, I feel if anyone buys a computer because of how it looks instead of how it works, they should be shot in the head by the prettiest gun.

Nevertheless, Steve Jobs has some mind control device, or as my coworker calls it, RDF, and has been able to sucker a lot of people into the iPhone. Now I for one hate people who talk on cellphones in public. You know, walk down the street as if that call is the most important thing in the world. Even worse is when they do that while driving. I don’t know how many times some idiot has either ran a red light, a stop sign, or made a turn that came an inch from hitting my car because they couldn’t put the phone down. Now there is a difference if you have to ask someone a question, like when you are in the grocery store, or your kid calls you to tell you they will be late coming home. But I see people on the metro rail get on in the middle of a conversation and leave still on that conversation. This is uncalled for, and makes you wonder why neither side of that conversation has enough of a life to actually talk in person.

Back to the subject at hand, my complaint about the iPhone. This things had taken the obnoxious in public phone user to another level. Due to the iPhone having a touch screen, they always have to be showing it off to their friends. “Look, I can move the menu, and click on this, and this pops up.” Also, while everyone and their parents have cell phones, you don’t always see them. Not the case with the iPhone. If someone owns an iPhone, they have to make sure everyone around them knows about it, by either having it out at all times, or conspicuously reading from it, listening to music on it, etc.

Quite frankly, I have a cell phone for one reason: to make phone calls. That’s all I need it for. And that’s all anyone should need it for. If you buy a cell phone as a status item, you are a jerk, and I really hope we start seeing more cases of a car driver, talking on their cell phone or reading an email, hits a jaywalker listening to music on their cell phone.

Jason Orkin, Technophobe

Quality over Cost

In regards to the title, I am referring to food, and complaints about the quality of the food as opposed to the cost. On Brickell, like most business areas, there are a number of restaurants, which to put it bluntly, are overpriced. Now that isn’t to say that there isn’t high quality food at a high cost, like Rosa Mexicana. However you also have a P.F. Changs. And yes, I know a lot of people rave about P.F. Changs, but quite frankly, if I want Chinese, I will go to a CHINESE restaurant, not some over salted, over priced restaurant where I am paying for the brand more than I am the crappy food.

There are many other restaurants, as I have mentioned in the past that do not live up to their expectation. Take Gordon Biersch. At first, this was a mainstay at the office. However, it has become quite apparent that food-wise, this place is a crappy, disorganized version of Chili’s trying to seem more upscale. I’m sorry, but if the majority of your menu is burgers and sandwiches, you need to leave the aura of pretension behind. And lately, the place has just been abysmal. A few weeks ago, the kitchen was hindered, and we were subjected to a limited menu. We left. Two weeks ago we were suckered into trying their seasonal beer (It was as if they repackaged Budweiser; i.e. it wasn’t impressive at all) and their Shrimp Poboy was fried salad shrimp on a hoagie, not in one. Last week my co-worker and I both got sick on their burgers. Now I won’t deny that their beers are fantastic. I love the Golden Export and the Marzen, as well I look forward to their Oktoberfest seasonal. But at this point, the place has become a slightly classy bar, with good bar food, but not a place I would attend for a real meal. And at the menu over $10 per item, it is low quality, high cost.

Ultimately, if you want a cheap burger or sandwich, it is far better to walk down the road to Tobacco Road, the oldest alcohol serving establishment in Dade County. It has gone through a number of changes over the decades, but will give you what you want; an opposite case from Gordon Biersh providing decent quality and low cost.

Then of course you have the cafeteria style restaurants. In them, you can get main course with two sides and a drink for less than $10. This is a lot more food than other restaurants, and it usually tastes much better. You get no image for eating there, but you do get satisfied. Unfortunately, one of the more diverse cafeterias has become finicky: depending on who the cook is, the food will either be fantastic, or warm cardboard. Low Quality, Low Cost, actual satisfaction.

You also have more restaurants advertising specific lunch menus with lunch prices to compete with the fact that 2 gallons of gas costs more than a meal. Mi-kan, the great Japanese restaurant on Brickell, actually operated by someone from Japan, has recently places 4 items on a “New Lunch Menu” for $8 and comes with rice, a california roll and soup. This is a great deal, but I still enjoy the bento boxes which are $3 more, but provide a good amount of tempura and salad as well. High Quality, Medium Cost.

Finally you do have the High Quality, High Cost restaurants, like Morton’s Steak House, and Abocado. Morton’s is one of the best restaurants on Brickell. Granted its no Bern’s (then again, nothing is), but it is a solid restaurant if you want a good steak and aren’t afraid to drop some cash. There are a lot of these in the area as I said.

Speaking of lunch, we are heading out now for lunch. New Employee means lunch on the company dollar, so hopefully it is one of the nicer places.

Jason Orkin, Eater

DirectBuy Strikes Back

DirectBuy has recently started up on YouTube. Hopefully videos like this will detract you naysayers.

More to come.

Jason Orkin, Consumer

If the power is on…

Then the AC is out.

As you may recall from last week, the power in my building went out briefly, which caused a major issue with our network, email, and morale.  This week, I walk into the usually frigid, now sweltering lobby to discover that is the case around the whole building.  This doesn’t exactly make my morning coffee enjoyable.

Fortunately its been overcast all morning.  Otherwise the building would be a hotbox where all of us would be tortured on top of the usual monotony of our jobs, and obnoxious Hispanic neighbors.

Jason Orkin, Human Rights Activist

Popcorn Teeth

I am a fan of snacks at the office. It gives you a momentary distraction, as well as something to fatten yourself. Lately I’ve been enjoying the microwavable popcorn. Granted I fear for those stories of carcinogens passing into the popcorn from the bag lining and then into your body, but they are cheap, and for the most part healthier than chocolate.

Unfortunately, with popcorn comes bits of it in your teeth. Yes, the occasional piece makes it to the front of your teeth, but those are easy to pick out. I am referring to those pieces that get stuck in the back of your mouth, that no amount of toothpicks, floss, or fingers can remove. One would need a set of dental picks and mirrors to remove it, and unfortunately I haven’t picked one of those up for my desk.

You would think that in this day and age, we would be able to build a device that is simple, doesn’t involve a metal pick, and removes popcorn from ease. I dream of odd things at work.

Jason Orkin, Dreamer

When the Power Goes Out…

… the Jerks come out.

Brickell has gone through a few power outages this year.  One of course was that huge power outage that affected half of Miami.  Others have been shorts caused by two much electricity in the office, and others in the building.

Today, right as I grabbed my cafe con leche, the power in my building went out.  Usually this isn’t a problem, but it ends up affecting all the electronics in the office: computers, phones, and even the server all needed to be restarted.  This, or course, is a long complicated process.  The worst part of it all, which I complain about every time an issue comes up, is that the only person who can fix it, is our IT guy.

Now I understand that if he told us how to fix things, well he’d be out of a job.  But at the same time, the fact that we are completely dependent on him whenever a snafu occurs is wasteful.  Especially when incidents like this occur at least once every two months.  This severely limits our productivity, and I am not a fan of not being able to get my tasks completed because we can’t have the foresight to bring someone in who can teach someone in the office how to fix things.

Also, as it is real summer in Miami, when the power goes out, that means no air conditioning, and that is not a fun experience in an office environment.  At least we have interent.

Jason Orkin, Energizer